Have you ever found yourself questioning a personal relationship with someone – or multiple people – in your life, due to a shift in who you’ve become? You, all of a sudden, see someone for who they truly are – in a different light – and realize, it’s not as pretty as you had once thought? It’s one of the most interesting things in my life that I have begun to analyze – and, quite recently, it’s been happening a lot to me. When I find lessons being learned in my own life (based on personal experience), I usually feel the need to offer them up to other people, in hopes that it gets their wheels turning.
Today’s lesson being shared: How to see those toxic relationships, acknowledge them, learn from them, and move on to more positive relationships (you know, the one’s you’ll actually benefit from).
1. Listen To How People Speak About Others :
Have you ever been in a room with someone you think is going to be a positive influence in your life… someone you find yourself wanting to learn things from… and all they do is bad mouth the people around them? Know, in that moment, the best lesson you can learn from them is what a toxic environment feels like. People who CONSTANTLY bad mouth others are toxic people, and often, not happy – and, let’s be honest – who needs that in their life? Trying to build others up by knocking other people down is doing nothing but forming a negative environment. I learned this the hard way. I’ve been that person who sits in a room, listens to the negativity and due to craving the attention of those people (who I thought could help better my future), I feed into it. I have been that person who has felt the negativity so strongly that I turned into that type of person. Lucky for me, I have allowed myself to grow from that and realize that in order to get places in life – negativity is NOT the key.
Take Away: You may have to work with these types of people, or live with these types of people – but it doesn’t mean you have to BE that type of person. People who badmouth others to make themselves feel better about who they are are toxic people. Work with them, live with them (if you must) – but don’t take it to heart … don’t become that type of person. Let it go. Take what they say and how they say it with a grain of salt, and move on to the positive people and moments in your life.
2. Live Your Life – Embrace The Mistakes & Stay Positive:
You will rarely find someone that thinks exactly like you, because no two people are exactly alike. I mean, that’s what makes life interesting, right? Everything that you do, or say is done and said because it’s what YOU want to do or say. Other people may not agree with the way that you live your life – but, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Some people (healthy people to have in your life) will hear you out, let you try things out and offer friendly advice. Toxic people will continuously be negative if they feel differently about something. In those moments remember that it is YOUR life – and that if YOU feel what you are doing is right, then for you – it is. Sometimes, mistakes are made and lessons are learned – but, that’s what helps us grow. Put in your head that mistakes are made to form growth opportunities – they are made to help you learn more about yourself and the world around you – they CAN be a positive thing, as long as you learn from them and apply what you’ve learned. Toxic people will always look at mistakes as a reason to badger people and bring people down. Let them be the negative ones, but don’t let their negativity keep you from living your life and being happy in it.
Take Away: Plain & simple – Live your life for you … and embrace every moment. Be proud of what you accomplish, and brush off the negative comments. Life will only be as good as you allow it to – and no one else should have a say in that.
3. Don’t Take Negativity Of Others To Heart – Shift The Way You Think:
Growing up there was that lovely phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” – remember that? Remember saying it to kids on the playground, and still feeling hurt anyway (but you were REALLY trying to convince the bullies otherwise?). As we grow (or, at least as I grew up), you find it harder and harder to ignore things that have been said about you. You find them eating at you and thinking, “why would people say things like that – ESPECIALLY when they don’t know me OR the whole story?”. There have been so many times in my life when I felt down on myself because of what someone else thought, or said about me. In the past those statements have brought me endless anxiety, sleepless nights and the constant need to work harder to prove people wrong.
Over the last few weeks (really, last few days) I’ve had this revelation (that I wish I had a LONG time ago). People are going to say what they want, they are going to believe what they want, and they are going to treat you how they want (especially if it makes them feel better about themselves) – but it’s up to YOU what you do with all of that. Personally, I’ve decided that negativity no longer has a place in my life.
Take Away: Challenge yourself to counteract the thoughts and actions of naysayers. People are going to say, do and believe as they wish but it does NOT have to ruin you or your life. What people say, do or believe does not change who you are. Be the positivity in your own life – surround yourself with people who lift you up, and those that are consistently negative will virtually seem nonexistent. Free yourself of the negativity.
So – with all of that being said, as you begin to see people in a light that you view as toxic … if you see that those people are bringing nothing but untruths and negativity to your life … free yourself of them. Life is too short to be presented with people who are trying to bring you down.
This is my life… In Progress,